I would like to start off by saying, I am so grateful to you both for giving me this opportunity to live in the most beautiful area of Paris. When people ask me how I like living in Paris, I always answer, it's like a dream. I will take these memories I have made here and cherish them for the rest of my life.
But you and I both know that things have been tense here over the past few weeks. I am finding things difficult and I would like the opportunity to work through some of these challenges with you. I know that my time here has been a help to you and has eased the hectic morning and evening duties for both of you. I have grown to love Paris so much, and especially grown to love your children. I would very much like to work through a few modifications to make my remaining time here as smooth as possible if you are agreeable.
It has been hard for me to voice how and why I am feeling overwhelmed. It is a learning process and something I will need to work on as I grow into an adult. I do love your children and see them as a part of my family. I know this all may seem very out of the blue, but that is my fault for not speaking up sooner. I would like to see if we can have weekly meetings to discuss what either of us are unhappy with from the previous week, in order to keep everything running more smoothly.
The remainder of this letter focuses on two main boundary issues, time and space, and my date of departure.
First, I propose a regular work schedule and hours. Although we never established an au pair contract, we both understood and researched the standard au pair relationship and agreed to abide by the French standards. By French standards, an au pair works 30 hours a week, works up to 5 hours a day, 5 days per week, babysits 2-3 evenings a week, and receives 2 full days off & evenings off. I am proposing the following regular work schedule:
Monday 7:30-9:15 am, and 3:45-8:00 pm ~6 hours
Tuesday 7:30-9:15 am, and 3:45-8:00 pm ~6 hours
Wednesday 7:30 am - 8:00 pm ~ 12.5 hours
Thursday 7:30-9:15 am, and 3:45-8:00 pm ~6 hours
Friday 7:30-9:15 am, and 3:45-8:00 pm ~6 hours
Saturdays and Sundays completely off unless needed for evening babysitting.
Total regular hours worked a week = 36.5 hours+ 2-3 nights a week of babysitting if needed, told at least 3 days in advance.
Tuesday 7:30-9:15 am, and 3:45-8:00 pm ~6 hours
Wednesday 7:30 am - 8:00 pm ~ 12.5 hours
Thursday 7:30-9:15 am, and 3:45-8:00 pm ~6 hours
Friday 7:30-9:15 am, and 3:45-8:00 pm ~6 hours
Saturdays and Sundays completely off unless needed for evening babysitting.
Total regular hours worked a week = 36.5 hours+ 2-3 nights a week of babysitting if needed, told at least 3 days in advance.
My au pair friends say, and I now totally understand, that an au pair has to have regular time off in order to regroup and meet the challenges of the next week.
Secondly, at the start of my employment, Gabrielle made a great sacrifice to give up her room to me for these months. It has turned out that she regrets this sacrifice and did not really understand what giving up a room meant. Nonetheless, that was the agreement as I understood it to accept the job and not return to the States in January. I am respectfully asking that privacy be established and that I have space in the home to call my own for the remainder of my stay here. It is my understanding (as shown below in my research) that the French standard is that an au pair has her own room. To me, this means that family members and staff knock before entering and ask before inspecting the room or bath and do not go through my personal items.
Secondly, at the start of my employment, Gabrielle made a great sacrifice to give up her room to me for these months. It has turned out that she regrets this sacrifice and did not really understand what giving up a room meant. Nonetheless, that was the agreement as I understood it to accept the job and not return to the States in January. I am respectfully asking that privacy be established and that I have space in the home to call my own for the remainder of my stay here. It is my understanding (as shown below in my research) that the French standard is that an au pair has her own room. To me, this means that family members and staff knock before entering and ask before inspecting the room or bath and do not go through my personal items.
Finally, I would like to complete my assignment here and depart by 20 June 2011. Given that Lyn is again available to resume her duties, I am hoping that this does not leave you in a bind. I feel that I need to return to the States by this time in order to have enough time to apply for classes at the university in the fall and find a place to live near the university.
I would love to discuss this all with you both once the kids have gone to bed in the next few days. At this point, I know I am springing a lot on your already busy lives, but feel I could not go on even until May if things continue like they have been. Again I want to stress, I take most of the responsibility for this for failing to speak up sooner. I would love if from now on we could just simply communicate more, and feel like that would take a huge burden off my shoulders. I feel like all of the unhappiness we have experienced with each other these last 3 months stems from the lack of communication, therefore, leading to the lack of fulfilling expectations. I would love to hear both of your thoughts on this. If we do not reach compromise, I certainly understand and can depart sooner than June.
With kindest regards,
Amanda Dunn
From greataupair.com:
An au pair is a domestic assistant from a foreign country working for, and living as part of, a host family. An au pair takes on a share of the family's responsibility for childcare as well as in some cases light housework, and receives a monetary allowance for personal use. In Europe, au pairs are only allowed to work part time, and they often also study part time. The title comes from the French term au pair, meaning "on a par" or "equal to" indicating that the relationship is intended to be on of equals: the au pair is intended to become a member of the family, albeit a temporary one, rather than a domestic servant.
Rules in France:
-At least 60 Euros a week + a 20 euro contribution to language classes.
-In Paris most families provide a carte Navigo worth 60 euros a month.
-The au pair should have his/her own room.
-Works up to 5 hours a day, 5 days per week; babysits 2-3 evenings a week; receives 2 full days off & evenings off.
An au pair is a domestic assistant from a foreign country working for, and living as part of, a host family. An au pair takes on a share of the family's responsibility for childcare as well as in some cases light housework, and receives a monetary allowance for personal use. In Europe, au pairs are only allowed to work part time, and they often also study part time. The title comes from the French term au pair, meaning "on a par" or "equal to" indicating that the relationship is intended to be on of equals: the au pair is intended to become a member of the family, albeit a temporary one, rather than a domestic servant.
Rules in France:
-At least 60 Euros a week + a 20 euro contribution to language classes.
-In Paris most families provide a carte Navigo worth 60 euros a month.
-The au pair should have his/her own room.
-Works up to 5 hours a day, 5 days per week; babysits 2-3 evenings a week; receives 2 full days off & evenings off.
Her reply :
Dear Amanda,
We are now in Besançon at my sister in law, about to celebrate Passover so I do not have much time to reply in length to your e-mail. We can indeed discuss it upon our return.
I will just address two items discussed in your e-mail which are problematic for us.
1. The schedule your propose. It is completely different from what we had agreed. I did not achieve to write the schedule because of lack of time and also because the schedule is necessarily slightly different depending on whether JF or myself need to travel or when the children are on holiday. But you may remember that it was very important for us that you help us on Saturdays. We had expressly stated it in front of your mother when you came over for the first time and you had said clearly that it was no problem for you. If it a problem for you to continue like this, then it is a problem for us also. Also, we need your help in the evening when we arrive until 9 p.m. Joséphine is there until 8:00 p.m. so we do not need two people finishing at 8 and no one after that to help us put the children in bed. Again, this is important for us, especially when one of us is busy in the evening or away and it is a significant asset you can bring to our organization. Again, if it is a problem for you, it will also be one for us.
2. Access to your room. We respect your privacy as much as possible but the way the apartment is designed, we need to have access to the bathroom occasionally e.g., to take the vacuum cleaner or other things stored there. We cannot completely shut ourselves out of this part of our home when you are away, and wait for your authorization to access it. I understand that you did not like our demands that your room and bathroom be tidy but again, as much as it is your space, it is also our home and needs to be maintained properly. You had admitted that you had not cleaned your bathroom for two months. Plus, there are no such things as au pair rules; you can also find on the internet that au pair sometimes share their rooms with the children that they are looking after; We had agreed from the beginning to make everyone’s life easy and that Gabrielle could have access to her room when needed..
I wish we had discussed all of this face to face and avoided this sort of email. We thought that our meeting was a chance for you to stay in France and restore your confidence after the unpleasant experience that you had. We also feel that, with 4 children already, it was nice of us to welcome your sister, feed her and give her accommodation. We will be returning in two days only. We are always happy to discuss anything you have on your mind.
I trust that you have noticed that since you arrived in our home, we made everything to accommodate you and hoped you would be somehow flexible in return.
It is up to you when you want to leave. If you believe that things should dramatically change from the way they are now, then let us know and if you want to leave in May, just tell us in advance.
Best regards,
Sandrine
Me putting in my 2 weeks:
Mrs. LeLouche,
I will continue to work here until you can find appropriate child care to replace me. I am working double the hours that my other au pair friends here work, and feel like this relationship is more of a give than a take. Having said that, I know you may also be doing more for me than I am for you. Regardless, I do not feel as if this is the job for me. I am working to book a flight now back to the states, and hope you can consider this my 2 weeks notice. I am sorry to bother you during Passover.
I hope we can work together for these remaining 2 weeks in a civilized fashion, without tension. I am sorry I am not staying to fulfill my commitments, I just realize this isn't the job for me. Your family deserves someone who can meet your expectations, and that is not me.
Best Regards and Safe Travels,
Amanda
The End. Will be coming home (this time, for real!)
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